That is absolutely it.

I'm quitting.

It's not official yet, but it will be shortly. I don't plan to write a letter until tomorrow when I'm feeling better.

Things to do:

1. Pack to go home.
2. Call Jessica and wish her a happy birthday
3. Not be sick anymore.

Our insurance runs out tomorrow. So, I had to see the doctor basically today. So I did. He said I have a sinus infection. I got an antibiotic prescribed. If this doesn't work, well, I guess I'll be sick until my dad gets another job and I can go back to the doctor. Bleah.

I would say that today is the worst day of my life, but it's not. It seems worse because I seem to be more sick. And, I am getting sympathy, which always makes the problems seem smaller. So, I'm trying to forget about the nightmare at work today. But the faces, the phrases, the mini formulations of a letter of what I plan to say, the subway smell, the subway shirt, the sandwiches, names of people, little moments of time freezes throughout the day - these things are all jumbled in my mind and they just make me want to blaaaaaaaah. I don't know.

I do feel quite ill though.

Goodbye for now. I am going home to tea.

I got sent home from work again today. But...that's because I read the schedule wrong and I wasn't supposed to be there :P

My old artsy side is coming back lately. I think I'm taking up some old hobbies again. Drawing, painting, making things look good (at least, as far as my taste can take them), creating music, lyrics, poems. Orchestrating my feelings into harmony and tempo, color and texture, meter and rhyme.

Today had two sides to it. I did quite a bit of reading and studying and cleaning, but for the past few hours, I've just been drawing, writing music, reading old things I wrote, being inspired to make new things. I think I have missed it. Whatever happened to the nights where I stayed up until late hours of the night keeping no track of the time, because I was completely absorbed in something I was making, whatever it may be? About a year ago, I put all of these things aside. I might come up with something every once in a while, but I wouldn't actively work on it beyond the idea. True, I had a lot going on and I don't think I could ever completely set aside my studious side, my love of learning, for it, but there has to be a balance.

I was trying to find a mostly-empty sketchbook, and ended up looking through my old ones. I found lots of notebooks full of prose and lyrics with chord progressions long lost. It surprised me how emo it all was. haha.

-becca

I made my brother and his wife some quiche for dinner, and while I was there I saw (and held) my niece for the first time - she really is adorably precious. So tiny too! With lots of hair. Ah ha, a baby!

I'm tired today. I should be more awake though. I was falling asleep as I was driving home last night, and when I got home, I pretty much went straight to bed. I slept for a few hours, got up, hung out with my family for a little while, and then went back to bed. Then I slept for another 6 hours or so. I should be fine today.

I went for a pretty long run this morning though, and I've been doing stuff all day. It's nice to accomplish things. I'm at the library picking up my books. I need to get home though, so I can drive kaitie to VBS. Maybe I'll read a little bit tonight. That would be nice.

This was hardly interesting if at all, but at least I posted something. There are a lot of things I've been thinking about that I could write about, but I don't really want to. I'd rather talk to someone about it than write about it. Writing is just me thinking about it more, and I've already thought about it. If I wanted to share my thoughts and maybe sharpen them, I could ptu them out there and have random people comment about what they think, but I'd rather just share my thoughts with someone who I know will give me the other end of the conversation.

I feel like I'm not making any sense. I had more of a point, but I kind of lost it. Woooo, I am sleepy.

-becca

TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY!

I was so mad this morning, I could have cried. But then I got to work and three new people were being trained at the same time, which meant they were handling all the sandwich-making, under G's supervision, and I was just in the back talking to Meagan and pretending to wash dishes.

I took a stand today. I said, "G, I need to talk to you." and we went outside. I took out my sheet of paper and said, "This isn't working for me. First of all, when I don't find out that I'm working on a certain day until the day before, it makes it very difficult to schedule anything for that day, and I always have to keep it open for work." He said, "But you know, if I make up a schedule after you leave work I will call you and tell you what time you're working the next day!" And I said, "Yes, but that's not really helpful because it's still the day before" and he said "Oh, yes, okay" and that was k ind of the end of that. I don't think anything will happen there, but at least he knows my frustration.

Then I said, "Okay. Now, my schedule. Today, I work three hours. Tomorrow, I work ten hours. And Sunday - " but he cut me off. He looked completely surprised. "Ten hours tomorrow?!" he said. "Let's look at the schedule."

So we went inside and he looked at it and muttered, "I'll change that." I was hopeful, but not expecting much. That seemed to be the end of things, right there. I was glad that I hadn't quit, glad that I felt semi-resolved, glad that he hadn't fired me, and just glad that nobody was mad at me.

The next thing I know, he's saying, "Amber? Okay, you're off Saturday and Sunday, okay?" I could NOT believe it! I was actually really really really happy. I mean, I know that I shouldn't be as happy as I am for missing 19.5 hours of work in two days, but I did NOT want to spend my weekend like that!

And he said I'm ready for a "straight schedule" which I think means "semi-consistent." Supposedly I'll get that next week. I'll believe it when I see it. And it'll be straightforward and predictable.

Oh, something else I complained about. I got no day off this week. I pointed that out to him as we looked at the schedule. He pointed to Wednesday. "You got Wednesday off though, because you were on call and you didn't get called in!" I said, "My family lives half an hour away. If I wanted to visit them on my day off, I couldn't, because I might get called in. Instead, I had to stay here in case I got called in. That was not a day off." And here's what he said: "Hm. You have a point."

The guy is not malicious. He's forgetful, he's bad at running his business, etc. But he has a good heart.

I feel somewhat resolved now. I feel better.

Oh, I went to the doctor to find out why I've been sick for three weeks. She said I have allergies and I got some medicine prescribed. I took it. Nothing's happened yet. Weird that I have allergies, though. I don't think I've ever been allergic to anything before. My mom and sister are the ones who are allergic to everything.

And guess what! When becca came to pick me up this morning, I got in the car and she handed me a steaming homemade latte! Just because she knows I like them! I hadn't even asked her for one! But she brought me one! Isn't that so nice? I nearly died!

Sorry for talking so much about work; it's kind of my life now. At least, the only non-becca interesting thing that happens in my life, and it's something to talk about.

Today, three people were trained. It got so crowded up front. Me, the owner, two co-workers and three trainees made for seven people up front total. It was crowded; you could hardly do anything. I was almost relieved when one of the trainees somehow cut his finger badly and ended up getting sent home. After a while, G said to me, "You know, if you get sick or something you can go home" and I said "I'm fine, thanks." An hour later he said "You can go home. We have too many people here." I didn't argue; I went!

The two girls who were brand new today, I felt so sorry for them. I remember what my first day was like. My "training" somehow skipped a few crucial steps and when I didn't follow these things, people got mad at me for not knowing. I was learning a million new things and was overwhelmed, and nobody seemed to care, and I nearly cried. These girls were in exactly the same situation. I think I did a pretty good job of being the person I wish had been around on my first day. They were awfully sweet. I will definitely have fun working with them.

Anyway. I have typed a lot today. I read through my earlier post and I was like "woah, anyone who has the patience to read through that thing must have a goal to read 1000 boring items in one year." But haha! I had a good day!

Dishes
hair ties American
Merkers in jail
lane change, exp dl, $50

This is what I scribbled down this morning. I had been having a few weird dreams. Until I suddenly woke up and thought I was late for my doctor's appointment at 10 so I stumbled out the door and Karen and Aidan were up, and I said "what time is it" and they said "6:30" so I turned right around and went to bed. But then I forced myself to grab a piece of scratch paper and scribble down what some of the weird dreams were. Want to hear about them? I bet you don't care. oh well!

First, the Merkers went to jail. Actually it was more like some place where you do hard labor all day long. It was in the news and everything and it was a pretty sad thing. I think I visited once. I don't know. I remember being in a place where there were a lot of people walking and I was up high on a thing like a bed that reminded me of my dorm bed when it's pushed in because there was only like two feet of "place to sit on" otherwise I'd fall off, but I thought it was a bed so I was laying there and almost falling off because it was two feet wide and thinking "well this should be no problem if I spent a whole school year sleeping on a bed this size!" I'm not sure if this happened during or after Merkers went to jail though, and I'm not sure what it really had to do with them going to jail.

Next thing I knew I was doing some news report about becca. I was showing them the full, clean dishwasher and explaining that the particular way she arranged her dishes reminded me of her. There were also specific dishes in there that gave me memories to tell of. It was weird! Just feeling so sad and stuff. I was telling all these stories about us together, but the stories I were telling didn't happen in real life and I can't remember what they were anyway.

My hair was in those braids some black people get. Except, each strand of my hair really was that thick. What's more, each strand was colored differently. I was trying to find strands colored the same and braid them together. Some of the hairs were colored like an American flag. I braided them together. Then my mom came and she was like "oh cool! I'll help you! Oh...wait, there are four green ones. These aren't really meant to be braided, dear." And I felt foolish and was not happy with her.

Then (this was the most recent because I remember it the best) becca was driving me down Maple Valley Highway. Just where we usually turn left to go to church, I said something and she turned right. On a yellow light. But the light turned red while she was in the intersection and a police car saw her and pulled up behind her with flashing lights. So she pulled over. And somehow I thought the whole thing was my fault so I would be the one to have to exhibit my driver's license. I didn't have it with me, though, and I told becca that and she gave me a weird look. Then the police officer came and becca gave the lady her driver's license. But it had expired in January! But they said it was okay, as long as she went to get her license renewed, and said "here is five dollars to reimburse you for this." But they handed her a 50 dollar bill. And I said, "That's not five dollars, that's fifty dollars!" And becca gave me a "shut up, you're ruining my life" look, and the police officer said "Oh my goodness-...

TO BE CONTINUED

actually,

NOT REALLY TO BE CONTINUED

You see, that is the point at which I woke up.

Now it is 7 22. I am rather tired. I just drank hot cider but I feel the need of at least one more cup of hot.

Ugh. I hate my schedule. Can it legally even be called a schedule? A new schedule, I may have mentioned before, is made every week, the day before it actually begins. This means that if I am working on the last day of an old schedule, I have no idea what times I am working the next day.

So, here is what my employer has done with my hours. Earlier this week, I had an odd series of days where I was off work for one day, worked three hours the next, was off the next, was on call the next, and was on call the next. Then I worked two normal days, and yesterday I got a schedule for this next week.

Of course, I don't have any days off. I work from 3-5 hours every day (this is after I told him several times I need FORTY hours and he said OKAY and this was TWO WEEKS AGO). Actually, now that I think about it, my schedule probably DOES add up to forty hours. Because, you know what he did?! He gives me 3 hours every day of the week except for Saturday where I work for 10 hours, and Sunday where I work 9.5. Oh yes, on Sunday. From 11 am to 8:30.

Now, when I was hired, and he asked me when I could work, I said this: "I can work anytime, morning, afternoon, evening, overtime, whatever - any day of the week. Except for Sunday. On Sunday I don't really want to work, but if I have to, it must be after 1 pm, because I have church. And sometimes I play piano at church, so I do have a responsibility to be there." And it was clearly understood. The Sunday after I started working there, he scheduled me for 11. I said, "I can't come in until 1." He said, "that's fine, come in when you can." I got a call in the middle of service, at 11:15. He hadn't changed the schedule. He'd left someone there alone to handle the lunch rush and told me to "come in when I could!"

After that, I heard a rumor that he was going to have me open the store on Sundays. It was just a rumor, but I didn't think it was beyond him to actually do it, so I checked just to make sure. Well, he was mad (this was a week ago). He told me not to believe rumors. He said, "Did you tell me you can't work till 1 on Sundays? Well then, I tell you, you won't work till 1 on Sundays. I am your employer, not (insert name of rumor spreading employee here). I make the rules. Don't worry! I know you can't work till 1 on Sundays!"

For the record, he also chewed out the other guy for spreading rumors. Then the other guy chewed out me for believing rumors.

So, everything is fine and dandy until the schedule this week which has me scheduled Sunday at 11. I call him up and I say, "G, this is Amber, I was just looking at the schedule, and it looks like you scheduled me on Sunday for 11 o clock in the morning." Long pause. Then, "Oh... I did it again?"

"Yes."

"Okay, and what time you come in on Sunday?"

"No earlier than 1 pm."

"Okay that's fine, come when you can."

"G, last time you said that I got called in the middle of the service. I had to have a friend drive me home, and I was not able to play piano on the last song because I was at work."

Long pause. Then, in a grumbly voice, "Okay, I guess I"ll change the schedule."

Here's what would be nice. A normal 8 hours a day, five days a week, forty hours a week schedule, with two days off IN A ROW so I could visit my family every once in a while. And I'd like my hours to be somewhat stationary. For instance, instead of working a morning one day, then a late night evening the next, then an afternoon, I want to have a steady shift. What's more, I don't want to have to stay late just because someone unthinkingly failed to schedule anyone to come after me, and then in the process of doing the jobs of the next person in the shift I have to also deal with the hassle of making necessary phone calls. And look, when I haven't planned to stay late and I do, it gets too dark to be out by myself and I sure am lucky to have good friends nearby who will drop everything and come pick me up. But it makes me so mad!

ARGH!

And this is only half of my troubles! Can I sue him? Do any lawyers read this? I want to quit so badly. But it's only for a summer. Adults would laugh, tousle my hair and say it was character building. Look, shut up about the character. I have enough of it by now, I've been working at this awful place for three weeks and it's almost more than I can bear. They didn't train me. Do you read this? I did not receive any amount of formal training at all. A week later when I hardly knew how to do anything, I was blamed. I said I didn't get trained. "oh...". So.

I feel like I should have some kind of rights.

I researched some. I found that I am actually supposed to get breaks. Imagine that! And I mean breaks longer than the time it takes to scarf down my sandwich (and better do it fast!)

I've also noticed lots of health hazards around the workplace, and most of them aren't just things that only a public health worker would notice.

I'm almost at the end of my rope, already. Blah.

And there is a lot of stuff I haven't even told you. Really. This is just not cutting it for me. I would like to sit him down and show him a list of every single thing I can't handle, and tell him that I'll have to quit unless he changes them. And if he doesn't, then I will quit.

I am unbearably frustrated.

And here I stop typing.

I forgot about my uniform. It's drying. I leave for work in 20 minutes. I just cut, filed, washed and moisturized my nails and trimmed my cuticles. They look and feel very clean and very short.

It's time for another little snippet of "our wonderful friendship example for you to follow." As most of you know, amber and I are very good friends. Today (and yesterday) was a classic amber-becca day. What makes a becca-amber day? Well, amber and becca. It doesn't really matter what we do. We're both sick and we both have been working nights. Amber came over last night after she was off work and when I got off work, she spent the night. Of course we were both really tired and my voice was gone, but naturally, we ended up talking until about 1am.
This morning, neither of us really felt much better. My voice was even worse - really, I was hardly audible this morning. So, we had some breakfast and some homemade lattes and sat around blowing our noses and coughing while we watched the first Lord Of The Rings. Half way through we began to lose interest and just started talking.

Okay. After (pretty much) three days straight of hanging out with eachother, we STILL have things to talk about. And we can go from having the absolutely most pointless conversations and making stupid jokes and bad puns to having serious talks about things in our lives and deeper issues within seconds of each other.

So, now you know, our friendship doesn't just hang on watching movies all the time, playing checkers, drinking tea, telling jokes, and amber telling me to eat food. That may be the stuff we talk about doing a lot with other people, because that's where most of our inside jokes are and usually we're too lazy, uninventive, or tired to do anything else, but I think that this other part of our friendship is what we value most.


I'm going!

-becca

Today, I accomplished two things which I'd been putting off as being a hassle - I got a checking account and also my food handler's permit! Ah, good job Amber!

I also did something nice for someone else (I got becca some Kleenex), managed not to cry when I was informed that I work too slowly to open the store in the mornings so I now have a different shift, took a satisfying shower, remembered to drink a lot of water and eat enough food to keep from getting irritated at people, deliberately went to the library and read, and made three little boys laugh. Of course, these things weren't really on my "List of Things to Accomplish Today," but I did them. Now I look at the things that are left for me to accomplish:

Clean and vacuum room
Do laundry

Look at that! Only two measly little things! And I got so much done today already! Way to go, me!

I do very well under praise, even if the praise sometimes has to come from myself.

I was trying to get a bee out the window today, but the bee kept falling between the window panes. One of the boys said "close the window and that'll get the bee out!" and I said something like, "no, that would probably just crush the bee and you'd have bee guts everywhere." Immediately I was surrounded by a chorus of "Cool!!!"s and "Do it! Do it!" s. They were chanting the words "bee guts" and doubling over in convulsions of laughter for the next fifteen minutes. They're definitely little boys.

The other day when my bike broke down on my way to work and I had to walk it all that way, I noticed a license plate folded in half by the side of the road. I didn't pick it up then, but every time I ride by I notice it. Today, I picked it up. It's mine now. If it is yours, please describe it to me and I will let you have it. For now, though, I'll keep it until I feel like not keeping it anymore. The look on becca's face when I pulled it out of my backpack was priceless.

Let's see...what else interesting happened? Nothing really, I guess. I got my first cash ever out of an ATM machine. That was thrilling, actually. I then spent it all, which was pretty much what I had intended to do. Now I don't have any money but that's okay. I survived the last three weeks without money - what's two more? And really I have all my needs taken care of. So I need to live without chocolate. So what. The craving has passed for now, actually. That's nice.

I don't know if I've ever talked about my peculiar relationship to chocolate. In general, chocolate is not my most favorite thing in the world. Almost anytime you ask me, I'd prefer Cheetos or sour gummy worms or mint gum or Ranch Doritos or a piece of Tilamook sharp cheddar cheese with a triscuit. But every once in a while I get a serious craving for CHOCOLATE. Not the taste, exactly, but something else. I eat it, and then I feel happy. It's like a drug, except if I were addicted to it as a drug I'd want it all the time, and I don't.

If you've ever read about those studies where chocolate was shown to fulfill some particular hormonic deficiency in women, I'm pretty sure those are all accurate in some way. There's a reason that chocolate is generally known as the way to woo women.

Normally, if I were in somebody's house or office, I wouldn't think to take the mini candies on display in a glass bowl on the coffee table unless they were offered to me (exception made with good friends or relatives). If I have a chocolate craving and no money, however, I will lose my shyness and straight out ask for a piece of chocolate if I see it. I did this once in my English professor's office. The next day I came back in and he said, "feel free to take a piece of chocolate" and I said "no thanks, I don't need any today."

What I really should do is stock up so that I won't wake up in the middle of the night with a craving and end up raiding the pantry and eating chocolate frosting by the spoonful and hot chocolate to wash it down.

(I really need to buy Raedeana new chocolate frosting and also new lemon juice, since I broke into her supply.)

I just rememebered that I do, in fact, have money. I used my own money to get my food handler's permit, not the money my mom gave me! So i still have that. And I really do need to try to get my work to reimburse me for that. If they do, I'll pay back Mom with that.

I can think of two bank-related acronyms that, when used as they commonly are with a certain other word, are redundant. ATM machine = Automatic Teller Machine Machine. PIN number = Personal Identification Number Number. (Of course, a PIN can be related to library cards, school numbers, cell phone voicemail passcodes, or almost anything else.) Can you think of anymore?

I can't really think of much else to say. Bye!

Amber is getting her food handlers permit. That's the only reason I'm at the renton technical college library. I'll probably go read something in a little bit. Ah. Memories of academic days past. I remember coming to this library everyday after class while I either waited 2 hours for Josh to get out of his class or for my next class to start. This is a quiet library. It also is a very big, long room. I used to go to the far end by the windows, and crash on a couch for most of the time. Or I'd go into one of the study rooms and fall asleep there. I remember it always being very cold though. They don't seem to have very much air conditioning on today. Once I put a complaint in the complaint box about how it was always too cold in here. Maybe they listened. I've always liked this library though.

The same librarian is here too. She always talks to me. She knows Josh and I by face, and ever since she figured out that we were related she likes to say hello. She cut her hair. It looks a lot better kept now.

I don't really have very much to say. I'm feeling a lot better. A lot, a lot, a lot.

But, I'd like to take another nap. Maybe I'll do it while I wait for amber, for old times sake.
And because I'm tired.

-becca

Okay, listen up. I've been sick for two and a half weeks. During that time I have been living in a house with four children. None of them have gotten sick from me, and yet just because I spend a few hours with you, you think I got you sick? Impossible! These things do happen (Phantom of the Opera). Kaitie thought I'd gotten her sick just because I stopped by your house for five minutes the other day. Give me a break! Your family is seven people living in a little house - it's obviously not difficult at all for germs to spread in small living quarters!

I'm hungry, and if you weren't sick I'd call you to go out to breakfast or to come over here for breakfast and coffee.

Plans for today: Bike into Fairwood. Stop by work and talk with the owner about my schedule. Get a checking account at Bank of America. Deposit my paycheck. Go shopping. Buy chocolate. Go to the library to read and cool off. See if becca needs any "sick" items from the store.

I was going to see if you, becca, would drive me to get my food handler's permit today, but you're sick. I might ask one of Raedeana's parents to drive me then, since it's vital that I get it today.

Why are we watering our lawn? It's hot outside. We're just wasting water because it's probably all evaporating before it can soak into the ground.

Last night I was supposed to get off work at 9. But then I noticed there was nobody on the schedule for anytime after 9, so I called the owner to make sure he had it taken care of. He seemed completely surprised, and said he'd send somebody over at 9:30 if I could stay that long. Now, I had ridden my bike to work and I didn't want to ride while it was dark out. So I said I'd stay till then.

Nobody showed up at 9:30. At 10, I called him and he was again surprised nobody had showed up. Eventually, he came himself, but it wasn't till 10:30 that I finally got off work. And then I had to call becca, who was sick, to come pick me up, so her dad picked me up instead which was really nice of him. But it still made me kind of mad that it happened at all. Soon I should be all mornings instead, which is why I think the owner wants to talk to me about my schedule today. That will be nice.

Yesterday I was working with a guy who's worked there for three months. I've worked there for three weeks. There was also another girl who's worked there for three days. For some inexplicable reason, I was in charge of everything. It was so weird - not the role I'm used to. Nobody appointed me to be in charge, but suddenly my other coworkers were coming and asking me what they should do next. I think I did a good job of delegating.

I went home over the weekend. I got to see our new puppy, Coaly. He's awfully cute for a dog. I'll put up pictures of him sometime.

Unless I just counted wrong, this is the 150th post on this blog.

I have forty minutes before I need to leave for work.

Even though I have a cold (thanks a lot amber :P), and I as much as I wanted to sleep last night, I couldn't, I feel so much better today than I thought I would! I'm alert (after a nap) and I don't know, there are things to be happy about. Things that make me smile, anyway. Someone across the street is playing flute and it's happy sounding too. But I do hope I don't lose my voice. I almost always lose my voice when I get a cold, and I really don't like it.

I remember when I was younger, some of my friends would actually be almost jealous of me for losing my voice so often. I guess they thought it would make them sound cute if they lost theirs, but they never did or something. I don't know if it does or not, I would think it's just more annoying sounding than anything else. But, I definitely cannot sing when I lose my voice, and it's hard for me to go two weeks - even two days - without being able to sing.

I ought to get ready to go and take some more medicine (ick).

-becca

It's 10:52pm. Why am I still up? I fell asleep during the first twenty minutes of Back To The Future, and that was a couple of hours ago. But, at the moment, I'm waiting for some clothes to be done washing. I could find something better to do, I suppose. But I feel much too tired to play piano or read. So instead, I write. And write about nothing other than why I'm writing.

My wrist hurts. It hasn't in a while. Last year, it would ache nearly every day, and I'd get throbbing pains in my hands. That was from school and work, I used my hands and wrists a lot in that industry. Maybe it's from playing tennis so much. Or, maybe it was from the broom and mop yesterday. And today. I don't know. Hm. I wonder if I'm on call tomorrow at work. That would be lame. Or maybe just poor planning. Or both.

uh.

I really don't have anything to say. I accomplished a lot today, but I don't feel like saying anything about it. I want to go to bed. I'm going to get some tea.

-becca

ha.

I feel inspired to write something after reading amber's fond memory post. I smiled the entire time. Nearly laughed! But, I am at the library, so I didn't, even though I've been laughing a lot lately. I'm printing out my english portfolio. Well, that's the main reason I'm here, but I also decided to look at this, and now I'm saying something.

I can't believe you mentioned that movie. haha. We have done so many absolutely ridiculous things.

Here's something you can know about amber and I. We have a sense of humor. That's right. It may not be anything like your sense of humor, but we have it, and it has a lot to do with why we hang out so much. The first day I met amber, our family went to their house for baked potatoes. when I got there, Mrs. M (Amber's mom, not mine) greeted me and called amber saying, "becca's here!" We didn't really say anything other than "Hi." Then Amber said something like, "want to see my room? I cleaned it." So we went to her room and talked a little - I don't know what about. Later we ate potatoes and amber ate hers faster than mine and then we went for a walk and told each other jokes. She didn't get a couple of mine so I wasn't too sure about her. But in the end, it was okay.

I was 14 then! wow. Kaitie must've been like 11. Of course, it was only a few weeks before my birthday, and she took me to a Relient K concert at graceland and we had cheese and cracker snacks and they were going to make us throw them out, but the lady let us in.


Ha. Why am I writing about this? It's just fun to remember.

At any rate, we have a lot of memories of fun things. At least to us, it's interesting.


I start work today at 5! Kaitie is going to drive with me to BCC so I can use the carpool lane, then we're going to go play tennis for a little while. ha, I talk way too much. There are so many silly and pointless stories I could tell about this morning already!

But I won't, because I have much better things to do, and I don't really want to write that much.

-becca

Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?

Because from a distance, they looked like hares.

I put up about fifty new pictures. They are the most recent batch, available at www.ladybugsnameisnotpaige.com/pictures.html

I read the first half of Charlie and the Chocolate factory last night. I've read it probably at least a dozen times in my life, and my favorite part still doesn't cease to make me cry.

This last space was a pause of about five minutes. I need to get up and dressed and breakfasted, but I am kind of tired and I just want to sit here and type, but I can't think of anything to type.

That would make for a weird "trying to be meaningful" book - Like, if I paused a lot while I was writing it. For example. "I would probably have to say those drapes were a (24 second pause) monumental eyesore on that side of the house." Then the reader would think you'd invested a lot of time into your sentences.

Anyway. I leave for work in an hour. I guess I should get dressed...

Yay! I'm happy! God just did something I'm happy about!

When I asked for more hours recently at work, the owner immediately set me into training to close the store. This was less than ideal for a few reasons - one being that I would be alone in the store until 11:30 five nights a week, and two that I either had to find someone to drive me home that late or else ride my bike that late (not very safe, obviously). I would much rather have opened, but I didn't want to ask because for one thing I was already almost done with my training for closing, and for another I didn't want the guy who opens to train me because I can't understand his English hardly at all.

But that guy is quitting. Yes, in the two weeks I've worked there, one person was fired and three people quit. It's sad, but now I have this guy's shift! I'm going to open the store! I didn't even have to ask; the owner just called me up and said 'I've changed my mind. I want you to open." So, later this week, I'll start my training for that.

You may be asking what is so bad about this restaurant that three people have quit in the course of two weeks. There are quite a few things that are bad about it, yes. If you are asking that, let me not tell the details (I'm tired of talking about it right now) but I assure you that I will only be there for the summer. Surely I can handle almost anything in that amount of time.

Yesterday was a lot of fun. I called becca and she came and tried out Edgar's new piano. Then I had a craving for root beer float bars so we went and got some. Then she took me to work. After work I walked over to her house and we watched Singin in the Rain. Then she took me home. That's the abbreviated version, but it was really fun. Last summer was full of sitting on the curb outside her house, making comments about pine needles and eating popsicles. There are a lot of memories of the curb outside her house. My favorite memory is one where we were sitting outside drinking blueberry tea, and having deep discussions about my leaving for college, and then kaitie came out, and then Josh came out. Then Josh said, "I'm going into the house" but he really hid behind a tree. He was trying to be all sneaky but we saw him and from then on we laughed about how anytime someone says "I'm going into the house" they really mean to say "I'm going behind the tree."

Then there was the time we made the pine needle speed bump. I don't know if it was the tree/house time or another time; we sat out on the curb an awful lot because her house is small and the outside is big. We were just playing with dried pine needles and making piles and lines and things, and then we made it all the way across the road. It was probably kind of an immature thing for us to do, but we were both only like 17 then.

The day I retook my SAT, they were having a garage sale in their driveway. I entered their house and Kaitie said, "Congratulations, you sat!" It was funny, and I knew she had been planning to say it ever since she'd thought of it. It was like when you think of something witty and you wait for the opportune time to say it, and then you sound kind of overeager. That was Kaitie.

Another time I seem to remember picking dandelions out front because Mr. M had everybody out there with plastic bags picking all the dandelions.

And twice we Christmas caroled. Or three times? No, I missed the last time, I think. I can't remember why; maybe I was sick? I should look it up on this blog, because so far it's been a great aid with my memory. We sang at one lady's house and she was like "Oh, you're just in time! I just made some cookies! Here, they're fresh out of the oven!" She was so cute! And we sang the Veggie Tales theme song in front of one family's house that had Veggie Tales Christmas decorations. I used to babysit for them, years and years ago. haha. that was so weird. And then they came over to Merker's for hot chocolate.

I think I've talked before on this blog about caroling. Oh well. It's one of my favorite Christmas traditions.

becca, remember that house we sang at where there was that guy who turned out the lights in his house and went upstairs and stood in a window and watched us and he didn't think we could see him but we could because his hall light was on? that was kind of weird.

Okay. I don't even know why I am talking about this. How did I get started on this? Oh, Merker's front curb. Yes.

The other central location for our friendship is probably the couch in their living room where we watch movies. Including that stupid of all stupid movies, the one we filmed on their monster of a camera in their living room after dressing up weird. I was an Asian sheik on an airplane who breathed out of my shoes pretending they were oxygen masks. Kaitie was a nun. That's all I want to remember. I think it's taboo for anyone who isn't in the movie to see the movie. It was pretty stupid.

But movies, they're fun to watch, because the whole time usually becca and I elbow each other at parts that have some special mutual understanding element to them, and whisper and giggle the whole time at our own stupid meanings we put to the film. becca will sometimes fall asleep until I keep nudging her and saying "Are you asleep?" We always have to watch a movie with blankets. More for comfort than for warmth. If it's a movie we've seen more than 8 times, we usually feel free to laugh in anticipation of a funny part coming up.

Okay. That's enough for now. May you be inspired to remember your favorite moments with your best friends.

Just so everyone knows, I have great parents. In fact, they were great my entire life - when I was homeschooling, and now when I'm not. Maybe they're terrible parents to Heidi and great parents to me.

Or maybe it's a matter of perspective.

That's all.

On a less frustrated note, yesterday the 6'4" grand piano came. It's beautiful; I'll have to put up my newest batch of photos. It's a lot of fun to play. As soon as I get my voice back I'll sing to it too. Not being able to sing forced me to work on my note reading skills a little bit today; or rather, to figure out how little I really do know. It's sad! Sigh.

I've been hungry all day. I didn't really eat lunch or anything since then, but I've had crackers on and off to stave off the worst hunger pangs.

I got a bad migraine today, too. Bleah. The not being able to see part of it lasted for longer than normal. The headache was bad bad bad. The nausea was bad. The worst is over though. I'm kind of tired.

I can't even imagine how boring this is for you to read.

I wish people wouldn't fight and shout and yell...really.

hum.

It's raining hard right now, and the window on my car is open again. I'll go take a walk and close it.

It might be refreshing!


-becca

"Your hair looks better."

Candid comment by Aidan. I had just rolled out of bed and got up to use the bathroom. When I opened my door I glanced into the living room and saw Aidan. Immediately he asked his favorite question: "What are you doing?" I answered with my usual obvious answer, "I just woke up, and now I'm leaving my room." He said, "Your hair." I said, "I know." I usually keep it up while I sleep but I was so tired last night I didn't. I have a LOT of hair, so after I've slept on it down it kind of goes everywhere and looks rather monsterish. I went back in my room, found a hair tie, pulled my hair back, and went back out. That's when I got my stamp of approval from Aidan, "Your hair looks better."

I gotta write down these memorable quotes as soon as they happen.

For anyone who cares, THE PIANO IS COMING TODAY! HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!

Last night (I might as well tell about this now) I learned the basics of how to close down the subway shop. The only thing is, it's 11:30 by the time I'll finish. I ride my bike to and from work, usually, except for last night when I got a ride with the lady who was training me. But it's just not really safe to be riding my bike out alone at 11:30 on a Friday night. And that particular stretch of Peterovitsky freaks me out, because there are no street lights and just a lot of trees and barely any shoulder to ride on.

So, it looks like I might have to sacrifice my lovely sleep-in mornings for my own safety, and open the store instead, if G's okay with that. I'll have to talk with him.

I just heard Aidan give a disappointed groan and asked him what was wrong. He said, "I just found six seven eight, but I can't find five."

I had weeeeird dreams last night. The latest one was of a flood. Me and some people worked at Subway, and one guy had to get a ride to the train station (we had a train station instead of a library) and he couldn't get a ride anywhere so I told him he could take my bike. But he didn't. The next thing I knew, I was on the beach and I just knew that it was going to get flooded. Of course, it did (ever notice that when you anticipate something in a dream, it happens?) So, everyone started running away from the water and up this mountain. We were in a car at first, driving toward the mountain, and we were always just barely ahead of the water. I looked out the window and saw a tidal wave bigger than any possible, I think. Actually, I don't think I could even see the top. I started screaming my head off to drive faster but those in the car didn't listen to me. Somehow, though, we left the car and ran up the mountain until we found a carriage, which we sat in. Then we saw a horse wandering about, and Sandy Sullivan somehow appeared and crafted a harness for the horse so it could pull us in the carriage up the mountain. We headed up but I leaped up to help some people who were barely hanging onto the rocks, to help them into the carriage, but my friends drove up with the carriage. Eventually we all had to rebuild what was left of the world and live there, on the top of the mountain, with water all around so that it was like an island. The end.

I recall also seeing a newspaper with the words "rain" and "thunderstorm" circled in the weather report. However, being as Aidan's favorite pastime is to circle sets of letters or words in newspapers in red pen, and seeing as his current biggest obsession is thunder, lightning, storms, and rain, and knowing that every morning his first activity is to get the paper and announce the weather report to the first person that wakes up ("There might be rain today..."), I wouldn't be surprised if I actually did find such a newspaper lying around the house.

I didn't know Subway people got tips. I've gotten two so far. Well, three, if you count Raedeana, but she tipped me partly because she knew me, I'm sure. Anyway, if you ever go to Subway and the person who makes your sandwich is particularly careful and courteous, you ought to throw in an extra dollar if you can afford it, because it'll make their day.

"Um, don't you need something to eat?" was Aidan's latest comment. I had said earlier that I was starving, and that's why I woke up, and I was going to eat something, and then I started typing on here when he gave me that quote. If he says anymore I'll write them down by hand and put them up later. Now, I am going to eat.

I'm almost better from being sick! That's good because I hate having to stop in the middle of making someone a sandwich to blow my nose, wash my hands, and re-put on gloves which is nearly impossible with wet hands. And I'm sure nobody likes to see someone blow their nose in the middle of making their sandwich.

And, I talked to the owner last night and told him I needed more hours, so he's going to show me how to close down the shop, starting tonight. Which is sad because this would have been my day off, but oh well.

This was a great morning! I woke up. Well, obviously. It was like 7 20 when I woke up and I wanted to call becca and see if she wanted to get breakfast but I d id n't know if she was sleeping, though i did know she had been working on a paper late last night, and I wasn't sure if she had class. So I called her around 8. I "kind of" woke her up. But oh well. =P And she came over and we decided to just hang out here. So I made muffins and tea, and we had that with canned peaches. It was wonderful.

I hope I get more hours soon. I have NO LIFE. One thing happens, and it's the highlight of my day, then the rest of the day I play piano, read, get on the computer - and do nothing. I know it's a great opportunity to get done all the stuff I should, but I tend to get that done more when I don't have a lot of time. You know? maybe not.

I played piano for a while just now. It's hard to sing with such a cold. But as I said that's getting better.

hm. I think I'll have another muffin.

I'm so bored. haha. I shouldn't complain.

hey fam, I LOOOOVE YOU!!!!!!


My "bleh" day is over! REALLY! I've had a delightful morning! I feel like laughing. I have been laughing!

I talked to kaitie for a little while before she left for [my mom's]work. It was funny. She came into the room, gave me a funny look, grabbed her shoes and was about to leave, when I said, "kaiaaaiite, are you leaving me? Why don't you put your shoes on in here!" So she did, and we started talking about lots of random stuff, and then my mom came in and was like "KAITIE, aren't you ready to go? what are you doing?"

"just talking" I answered [for her]

My mom gave us this unbelieving, oh-my-goodness, rolled-eyed look, and said, "you girls."
Whatever that's supposed to mean. Guys talk too. sheesh. Then they left.

After that, I made matt a bagel and talked to him for a while about his book, half&half, and legos. He said it would be cool if he could get buff, and lose some weight - he is over 80 pounds now. haha. He makes me laugh. He is a little chubby, but he just needs to get a little taller. So, I was teaching him how to do push-ups, but he didn't really get it.


Just now, I was starting to work on my big, final research paper, but vista (the online class server) is down, and I can't get at any of the links and lectures and instructions and such, so I guess I'll just do as much as I can from reading out of my book and using google. I don't really like doing research paper. I prefer to just make things up to prove my point =P


It's really nice being home in the mornings. I wake up early and have a couple of hours to myself, before anyone else is up, and then I get to see everyone before they head off. ha. I love that school is nearing an end and that work is going to be in the afternoons and evenings. Beautiful, summer is going to be beautiful. And I can only assume that next fall will be just as nice. I can't wait to be doing CEF stuff again too. I miss teaching at clubs, and I know I'll learn so much once I start taking those classes in september.


ha. I'm much too talkative today - I guess that happens when I'm happy - and I have so much I need to get done! I wish writing papers was as easy as writing stuff like this.

OH WELL! :D

-becca

My morning.

I am sick. My throat and ears and entire body hurt. My nose is red from blowing. My sinuses are full, giving me a constant headache. I'm constantly thirsty, but when I drink water it makes me feel sick. I should take pills but the thought of something not liquid going down my throat makes me shudder. My stomach is nauseous. I accomplished not a lot today.

I also feel rather unappreciated, but that's probably just because I'm sick. My presence is probably pretty irritating to everyone when I'm sick.

And, I don't really look sick yet because it's only been like two days. So I also feel like no one really believes I'm sick and suddenly I'm just a 'give me sympathy' whiner.

And of course, being sick, every moment is focused on myself, as you can see.

Sick. sick. sick. sick. sick.

Amber Mull.

this morning.

I'm at school. My final for art is in about twenty minutes. I'm done studying for that and I didn't bring anything else to do while I wait, so here I am, posting. I woke up right when I was supposed to be leaving today - but I made good time anyway.

I'm having one of those days where I'm just kind of lost in my thoughts, sort of sad about different things. I can't concentrate on anything, and it doesn't help that I didn't bring warm enough clothes. I forgot a sweatshirt or jacket of any kind - I literally just ran out the door today.

hum.

I'm not really that depressed. There are things to be happy about. There always are, I guess.

On that thought, I looked up joy on bible gateway, and found this passage:

Colossians 1:10-12
"And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, 11being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully 12giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light."

It's sort of funny that I don't go to the word first before complaining. That's kind of an amazing passage to me. Being "qualified" to share in his kingdom. I think I take it for granted sometimes. Or how about "please him in every way."

There is, actually, a bit to think about just in those few verses. Probably even more in context. Hm.

I feel better now. haha. At least about some things, others I'm still at a loss about.
I'm going to go to class soon. But it's a lot warmer here in the library. Maybe I'll go find something to read for a little while.

-becca

three more class days left. woo!

-becca

What is going on in the life of Amber?

I've been "putting this off"; meaning, I like to pretend that I have some kind of responsibility to periodically rattle off every event of my life during the past x days to somebody, namely, you. Why I like to pretend that anyone would be even remotely interested in the little details of my life is beyond me. But pretending I have a captive audience lets me vent in a way that isn't destructive to me or to anyone else.

And so, here's my life.

School ended. I got a 3.400 average. Combined with last semester I now have 3.477. Or is it 3.447. I can't remember and I don't really care that much. I figure as long as I have mostly A's or B's, I'm good.

My family went on vacation. Pictures are up on my website.

We came back from vacation and miraculously managed to fit ALL of my belongings in and on top of the car, even with our entire family in it, for the three hour ride home.

I spent a few days in my family's new house.

Then, almost exactly about a week ago, I moved into the Edgar's house. There was to be a sort of "try-and-get-a-job" period of two weeks, during which I would try and get a job. I was resolved to job hunt in Fairwood the day after I arrived - all day - but amazingly, I got a job at the first place I filled out an application. I didn't really want to work there but I also knew I was desperate and I knew God wouldn't give me the job unless he wanted me to have it. Subway. Yes, I work and Subway now and I don't even care if it's fast food and it's not a "great" job. I like it, okay?! Yes! I do like making sandwiches for people! I like the people I work with!

Want to know how I got the job, Imaginary Captivated Audience? I asked for an application. Went over to Safeway and filled it out and went back to Subway. I knew my plan of action - fill out and turn in five applications, go to the library to cool off and read for an hour (it was a 90 degree day), fill out and turn in five more applications, check back at all the places I was calling during the last month, etc. Go home exhausted.

God is good though! I mean, he could have had me follow that plan and exhaust myself walking around Fairwood but he didn't! I filled out the app and was going to turn it in to some unofficial looking guy, but he called the owner of the store who happened to be there and the owner took it instead. Then he sat me down, told me how important customer service was, and said "I'll take you." I didn't even really have an "interview." It was so quick and informal and laid back. That's not always a good thing, and I was kind of worried about it, but it did get me a job fast, which was what I really wanted.

There's been a few frustrations so far. The guy I work with and the owner are both Indian and it can be difficult to understand them. It's not a very "nice" store. For one thing, in the women's bathroom the toilet handle falls off if you push it the wrong way, and the door doesn't close unless you know the trick to closing it. And some stuff is just always dirty and I wonder if they ever clean it and if I"ll ever get a chance to because it's DISGUSTING. The guy I work with may or may not enjoy my company more than I would wish he would. I'm inclined to think he's just a lonely Indian guy away from his home country and that may very well be true, but some friends are cautioning me that he wants more than a friendship.

I used to think anyone ever "liking" me in that way was impossible. One exception this last semester made me think it was just an exception because this guy was truly weird. But this...I don't know. I told Raedeana that he wanted to go have coffee with me and she said I ought to say "Sounds great! I'll bring a friend" and then bring Josh. And however funny that would be, I don't think it would be kind because I know part of the reason he wants to get to know me is that he doesn't have friends! I once said something like "oh, but you have friends in your ESL classes, don't you?" and he said "Um, they're all either Japanese or Hispanic. I need some English speaking friends."

So. But I like him, he's nice. I was most impressed yesterday when he dropped a 50 pound box of frozen bread on his finger and he didn't cuss or anything. He was obviously in pain but all he did was slash the box with the knive because he was so mad. And he didn't swear or anything! Probably not for lack of knowing swear words; the other employees seem to have somewhat foul mouths.

I think it's good that I'm there though, because with two Indian guys who don't speak or understand English very well it's sometimes good to have a native English speaker present. Rude people have trouble putting up with accents, it seems. Today this girl and guy came in together and they were talking at the same time about what sandwiches they wanted, and what sandwiches they didn't want, and what the other person wanted or didn't want, and they were yelling. Poor Jesse got out some bread for the girl and she started yelling "I don't want that bread! No! Not a six inch! Gosh, these people!" So I started helping and the girl was like "Okay, I want her to make my sandwich." So I did. And she said to her boyfriend, "We're going to give her a round of applause when she's done." That was stupid. It made me mad, not because she was being nice to me, but because she was rude to my coworker.

Anyway.

I ride my bike to work. Someday soon my new stamina, improved endurance, and better toned muscles should arrive in the mail.

I wanted to hang out with becca tonight but she's gone. So I'm hanging out with my computer instead. Sad, I know.

My dad got me some more memory for my computer as a birthday present.

I've read Isaiah twice of the 10 times I plan to this summer. I'm behind a lot; I should be at 3 as of today.

I'm playing piano at church on Sunday since becca will be gone. It's so nice to be back.

Okay, that's all.

It's 8:39am.

I made myself tea this morning. My mom gave me this big starbucks thermos she had, because she never uses it, and so far it insulates very well - my tea is still too hot to drink after two hours.


wow, I just coughed several times in a row. 4, actually.

When I was younger, I was always quite self-concious about coughing. Holding in a cough has to be one of the strangest feelings. You can feel how funny your face must look, and then, of course, when you finally can't hold it in any longer, it's a much worse cough than it would've been in the first place, full of sputterings and maybe a slight spray of spit (lovely, I know). I remember being in awana, and sitting during council time, and absolutely dreading the fact that I might cough. That probably caused me to cough more too, because I was thinking about it. Sort of like how if you think about how much you blink, you blink a lot. It doesn't work with hiccups though. Hm.


AMBER! We should watch Phantom tonight! Really. We should.


I'm going to go read until class starts.

-becca