March 30, 2006

Hi! I am now done with choir tour and I'm home for a four-day weekend, the remainder of my spring break.

About this blog: it can't ever be "full" of posts, but our little counter stops counting at 300. Our plan is to stop at 300 and change the name of this blog to something like "becconingamberlance1", and start up a new "becconingamberlance". Really, it'll be no different for you. You'll come to the same address to get your beccamber fix for the day. When we do reach 300 posts, I'll do a backup of the whole thing and do a word count so you can be amazed.

It's just nice to know these things.

Choir tour was...amazing, awesome, incredible. I could never have foreseen the ways that I saw God working. I didn't really even think I'd "see" God working, because I guess I've never seen it so obviously. It was amazing and exhausting and I don't think I could have stood tour for longer than a week.

I've been downloading Age of Empires III trial version during this post (since I'm home now and I'll let myself play it), and it just finished. Goodbye!

Amber

March 28, 2006

wow, it's spring.

ha.

I am so looking forward to warm weather, you have no idea. I want to be able to run around in shorts, go play outside in my free time, and go to the beach, and stay up late looking at the stars, and all those things that are so much better when it's warm out. Watch Cicadas molt and pick their dry skins off and throw them at people. Catch fireflies! Hum, I guess we don't have those out here, but since I'm dreaming. Try and fit a bunch of people on a hammock, jump on trampolines and lay down on them while they're warm from the sun. Swim. Build sandcastles.


Siiigh...every summer sounds so good right about now.

I'm good though. I'm happy.

What should I blog about today? hmm. There's only 10 more posts (including this one) until this blog is full. I think, anyway, that amber said 300 is the max. So I guess that'll be it. This will just be a grave. a dream has died here, softly go from this place...

ha. I don't know why that song came to mind. Actually, I think it was actually a Dorothy Parker poem first. But, no, I bet amber will archive all the posts and just restart this one or something.

I'm reading two books right now, "The Unfolding Drama of Redemption" by W. Graham Scroggie, D.D (ha, funny, I was just reading this other book I'm about to mention, and last night I read in it that D.D. meant Docter of Divinity), and "What Jane Austen Ate and Charles Dickens Knew" by Daniel Pool. The latter was originally only bought for the title, because at Christmas Amber got me all these books that had "Jane Austen" in the title ("The Jane Austen CookBook," "Tea with Jane Austen," "Jane Austen's Guide to Dating," etc.), simply to have this silly collection of Jane Austen books. But this one has been the most interesting. It's really just 19th century history, and it makes a lot of the stuff I've picked up from reading a Jane Austen, Emily Bronte, or Charles Dickens novel make more sense.
And history has always been an interesting subject to me anyway. It's so interesting to see how economy has changed and why, what social and everyday life was like then compared to now, the different eras.

Wow, I don't have much else to say. I think I'm going to go running though. I think I've run almost every day for a week now. It gets way more enjoyable after a week or so of doing it every day, because now I'm getting used to it again and stronger and so I can go for longer without stopping, which makes it better. I don't feel as sick afterward. But it definitely takes pushing myself to do it when I totally do not feel like it at all. Like right now, because I don't really feel that much like running. I think I'm only writing this to convince myself to go. Okay, I will.

-becca

March 23, 2006

I'm in a very...not me or something mood.

I've had this bizarro headache for two days that won't go away. I don't get headaches. Well, I used to, but that was years ago, like when I was 13 or 14. Anyway, so I sort of feel sick, but then I'm really tired...like really really tired of being home right now. But I had the choice. I still do. I could've gone over and watched Pride and Prejudice (the collin firth one), which I've seen a dozen times, with a bunch of girls that I love to be around, but I don't really feel like it. But now I've been sitting in the living room with my brothers while they play video games and WOW am I tired of this. Pride and Prejudice is starting to sound real good. I'm kind of hungry too, but I don't really feel like eating at all.


Actually, I'm going to go sleep, because I really don't feel good and no one else wants to hear me complain. Not that I've really said much to my brothers.

Wow this was a pretty pointless and probably boring post, but I don't care.

-becca

March 22, 2006

hey.

I haven't posted in a while.

ha, glad you liked the package amber. And I'm glad that you didn't go into shock from all that girlyness...even though that was kind of the idea.

I was going to call you yesterday.

But I didn't.

I don't really know what to write about though, I just thought I should.

Hmmmmmm.

This morning I read 1st and 2nd Timothy. I really like this epistle. I think because of the encouragement and perspective it gives me for evangelical work and doing what I've been called to do. One verse inparticular keeps ringing in my ear this morning:

2 Timothy 3:16-17 "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."

I've thought a lot about what school I should go to; what I want to learn, how I want to learn it, the goals I want to accomplish in my life. I mean, there are things I've always, always, always wanted for sure: To be married, to have kids, to do the ministry that God wants me to do. That's pretty much all I want in life. What ministry, what husband, how many kids - that's all in God's hands. He'll work out the details. Ha, I'm so glad he cares about me, even about the desires I have. I love that I have dreams, that I want to do what God wants but that there are so many possibilities to think about and strive for in a prayerful way, and that I can see more and more of those becoming realities as life goes on, as God teaches me and prepares me for wherever he wants me to go and whatever he wants me to do. And I know in all of that I'll be blessed and be able to bless others in ways I can't even guess.
But what about school? Every one makes school out to be so important. I'm not saying it's a bad thing. I know there's a lot I don't know that I can learn. But, I also know that I don't need to go to school to spread God's love and to lead other's to Christ. Can't I learn all of that from pouring over the Bible? It says that not only is Scripture useful for teaching, learning, and training a godly person to do good work, it says that that person can be fully equipped for every good work. And good work is the only kind of work I want to do.
Just thinking. It doesn't mean I won't end up going to school. There are a lot of good reasons for going to school, and there's a lot I want to learn that I don't feel like I could necessarily learn on my own, because I don't feel like I know that much at all. I can learn a lot from other people, there's no reason to go into something without getting all the training I can. I just want to learn what is true and what's really important. I don't need a degree or to just learn opinions. And I'm in no hurry, except that if I did go, I think I'd just want to get it done with so I can move on to other things, but it's just as much a part of life as everything that follows, and the minstries I'm involved in now and then won't be of any less importance than what they are later on.

In the end, I know I don't need to go to school or accomplish any great feat in my lifetime. I don't expect to gain much as far as prosperity in this world goes. What's the point? "For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it." (1 Timothy 6:7). I hope if I am blessed with those things that I'll be generous enough to pass it along to others.
I guess what it really comes down to is that I've kept the faith. I'm going to do my best to fight "the good fight" and finish "the race,"(2 Timothy 4:7) but God doesn't ask for perfection. I just want to serve him now and always.


Well well weeell. I think I'm going to go for a run and get some stuff done before work. I thought I was in a sillier mood. Ooooh well.

BYE!

-becca

March 16, 2006

I just got a package! Actually, I knew it was coming, but I thought perhaps Friday or Saturday. And the post office isn't open on Saturday, so even if it had come on Saturday I wouldn't have been able to pick it up until Monday.

My package was pink. My dear friend becca, knowing my feelings on the color, took care to make sure my eyes would be pleased upon first receiving the package.

Inside was...princess stuff! I got a pink powder puff, a fuzzy pink purse with "Princess" on it and some arm bangles and necklaces inside, a fuzzy pink jeweled tiara, pink grapefruit flavored body lotion, bubble bath, bath salts, and "shimmer powder", and tea and a LOT of Hershey's kisses.

This was definitely the most creative package I have ever received, and it was just what I needed today!

THANK YOU, BECCA! You're the best! =)

March 12, 2006

Books are amazing.

A good reader is one who will try to understand what the book is saying. A good reader appreciates a book, even if he doesn't agree with it. He can recognize the goodness in a book and weed out the bad.

Mark Twain, in a letter to someone who had asked him what method he used to write, spoke of the role of the "unconscious" in his writing. He talks about how he forms the words and sentences, and he thinks he has a motive, but if someone else finds a motive that he didn't intend to be there, it doesn't matter - it's in the text. The text is what speaks. It has a life of its own. (This short letter is published in a book, "The Art of Authorship", edited by George Bainton.)

Do you realize how amazing it is that the people who wrote these books are dead now, but it doesn't matter because these books are like their eternal children? These books are like people. It is so amazing to me, to think of a book as partly the product of a good writer's unconscious. This means that the text is somewhat free from the author's influence, especially if the author will allow it to be.

Think! If I wrote something profound enough, people might read it 300 years from now, and maybe their lives would be impacted! This idea makes me want to read more classic literature, and to write amazing things. It makes me feel very small to such a great task of writing something that will be read so many years from now, and even impactful. It also makes me more in awe of these authors who did accomplish this task, and may not have even had me in mind when they wrote.

Literature is really one of the only voices from the past that we have.

Also, I have started to think of books as someone's experience, or journey, or story, or some expression of themselves. These are things worthy of my complete attention and understanding and love, not just things that allow me to use my ability to see letters and note how they form words, and how the words form sentences, and say them out loud in my head in a way that makes sense.

Have you noticed that the best readers are also the best listeners? I always thought that was because people who read a lot tend to be quiet and they don't talk a lot anyway, so you can talk a lot to them and they don't talk back. But really, it's because they're used to giving full attention to books, and just allowing the books to tell them their story, without commenting or offering advice, just saying "this is the way it is". Maybe occasionally, the good readers nod in understanding or say "mmhmm", or cry in empathy or smile, or at least get involved emotionally.

I always thought that when people said "books are my friends", it meant they didn't have any real friends so they just filled up their time reading. Now, books seem kind of like people with stories.

I always thought that when people talked about "respecting books" (I was sharing this whole thing with my roommate earlier, by the way) they meant not eating toast while reading cause you might get crumbs or jelly in the book, and don't leave books on the floor for people to step on and for heaven's sake, use a bookmark and don't leave the book upside-down and open on the table because it'll bend the spine! But really, respecting books is like respecting people. You have to listen to the person's story, and not just to the words, but to the person's heart, and you have to want to be a friend, and smile and nod. You can't just pretend, either. If you read a book and you just pretend to respect it, you'll know the difference once you're done with it.

If you read a book and say "This book didn't do anything for me", you may need to think about your motives for reading. Yeah, there's a lot of literary crap out there, and you won't always be satisfied with a "good read". It's not about you being satisfied, though. I think it's about listening to different stories and finding the ones that will help your character or impact your life, whether or not you can nail down the way they do that.

Sigh. Do you all think I'm weird now?

hey.

I'm tired tonight. It's only 9:02pm, but I'm considering going to be pretty soon. And I don't even have to wake up very early tomorrow. Like, at all.

hum.

ha, I hardly know why I'm posting, because I really don't even feel like saying anything. Today feels kind of...long. And, I'm just in one of those moods tonight where I could really really use a big cup of tea, a blanket, and someone to lean on while watching anne of green gables or simply sitting in a dimly lit room and talking. I tried. I came home, took a shower, and went and sat by my mom on the couch, but, that didn't work out too well, cause she was doing stuff and no one was really listening to me. Three of them were sitting in my living room, each with a laptop and in their own world. So I feel kind of by myself right now, and a lot like I don't want to be on the computer. But I had to write a thing for awana, and our poor blog popped up. So I thought I might as well.


haha. I'm not really that sad. Life is really good, I'm just having a tired night, and I'm feeling sad because of other people, not myself really. I think I'll go read for a little while.

-becca

March 07, 2006

I got a migraine last night. I don't think I've ever gotten one at night before, but I sure prefer getting them at night over getting them in the morning, because getting a migraine means taking Imitrex and falling asleep as my body turns into a piece of lead.

I'm not quite over it today. I don't know if it's the medication or the migraine. I went to one class but didn't think I could make it through my next one, so I got excused. My vision is kind of migraine-like, but not really, and it feels like my blood is racing so I'm out of breath, but at the same time it takes a huge effort to lift my arms. At lunch I didn't talk a lot and people noticed. Heck, people noticed yesterday, before I got the migraine, because I have symptoms even before the migraine hits. It's such a weird, out-of-it feeling, and I hate it because people sometimes don't understand, and I want to be all happy and smiley and bubbly but I can't, so I just don't want to be around people at all. It's so hard to explain what migraines feel like, and everyone's advice is "oh, take some tylenol." It's not a headache! It comes with a weird kind of headache, but it's the nausea and the blood racing and the near-panic and the detached-from-the-world feeling. It's so odd. I feel like I'm not really myself.

Okay, bedtime.

March 05, 2006

that's all I had to share.

March 03, 2006

Well. It's 6:15am and I've been up for three hours. What's wrong with me?

I fell asleep around 11:30 and slept until 3:15, drove my parents to the airport and came home. I was going to go to bed, but I felt pretty awake. I mean, I'm sure I could've just crashed for four hours no problem, but I started washing dishes, and before I knew it, I had cleaned the entire kitchen, boiled eggs and made egg salad, done two loads of wash, and played through about 20 hymns on piano. And now, there's really no reason to go to bed, because this is about the time I'd be getting up to go to work anyway. No okay, that would be in about an hour, but still. There are more things I can do, and I'll just feel more sleepy if I only get an hour of sleep when my body really wants six or eight.

So what do I have to say today? I don't really know. My stomach is kind of growly, but I really don't feel like eating anything. I should talk about things that have more meaning, just because I'm in that kind of mood. Hmm. I guess this is just where I ramble about my life and thoughts some more.

Every day is good. ha, I mean, I think I'm learning more and more to enjoy everything I do every day. I think for a while, I've been kind of whiney about my job - if not to others (though I know I have been) at least to God. And, that's so...ingrateful. Like, come on, I have a job. I'm blessed! I complain about my hours and how it's always so boring, but it's not. Things are only boring if you let them be boring. If you can just keep occupied and enjoy things, why does it matter what you're doing? I don't have to be 'entertained' non-stop. But, I'm slowly realizing that life isn't just getting through a period of time until my life begins. To reach any given goal, you reach little goals on the way to make it to the main goal, and once you meet that, you'll develop something new to work toward, as you see more and more the direction of your life and what you're supposed to do next.
Everyday is packed full of little goals, and I hope and pray that God would show me what those are and help me be focused enough to carry them out - like being patient and kind when that obnoxious person does something...obnoxious, being disciplined with my time, acting lovingly, gently, fulfilling my responsibilities, etc. Even though you hear "take it one day at a time" a lot, I think it's true. It does make a difference. I mean, yeah, you need to think about the future, you can't be irresponsible. And you have to have an idea of what you're working toward so you can do what you need to do today, but you're supposed to live in the present. It's like, wow, I have this time now to do soooo much and to learn soooo much, and learning that stuff now is going to make what I learn in the future so much better and more useful, I don't want to miss a beat. I want the most of every opportunity God has for me, and I want my life to be ministry - not just when I'm off "doing ministry" at church or volunteering somewhere, but really ministering to the people around me everywhere.

It's humbling, because I have such a long way to go, and I know I can never attain perfect love or a perfect selfless life like Christ. It shows how dependent I am, how little I know and how God reveals exactly what I need to know precisely when I need to know it, and His grace is always sufficient for me. It all comes to relying upon God for my every need. I can't rely on myself or anything in this life. And that's why I need to do everything as if onto the Lord, for who is my true master? I pray I can put more and more of my life in God's hands with each passing day, and learn to be a willing vessel and glorify God with my life. Sometimes it feels a bit overwhelming, when I think about it, because it's just me, and who am I? Hmm. I am a child of God. (John 1:12) And I know God isn't going to give me more than I can handle, and I know his love is so great for me that he'll never leave me nor forsake me, what do I have to fear? (Hebrews 13:5-6) He who has started a good work in me will bring it to completion. (Phillipians)

Mattew 22:35-40
One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question:
"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'
This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

Hmm. I need to make meditating on Scripture much more of a daily habit.

bye!

becca


March 02, 2006

I didn't realize until lately how much I love to sit down with a person and just hear all about their life. Whether it's a girl crying about a boy, or someone with a big dream and a life plan, or somebody whose been learning something amazing in their classes, or a coworker of mine or a person ordering a sandwich (though usually I am not able to actually sit down and talk with them) - I love to just listen to people's stories. I love to hear about events in their lives, and their interpretations of those events, and how those events made them into the kinds of people they are now.

I've always known I'm a one-on-one person, more than a group person, but I never realized till now how much I really enjoy just having a really good conversation. It perks up my whole day.

On another note, I haven't gone out at all for a long time. My friends have all been busy with homework and stuff. Normally we watch a movie or go out to dinner or something pretty often, but everybody's busy. I didn't even go to church on Sunday because the girl who drives me was ill, and I didn't go to Frank and Penni's either because they were also sick and they also had something else going on. I feel like work is my only escape, as of late.

Like, right now I'm done with classes for today, and I'm not working tonight - in fact, I have absolutely nothing planned for tonight. I have nothing to do. I'm bored! In fifty minutes I can go to the cafeteria for dinner, and I'll probably hang around there and find somebody to talk with (how pathetic!) and come back and read or make tea or check my email for the zillionth time today...gah.

Anyway.

Edit: ten minutes later

So, I looked at the clock and discovered that I have approximately seven hours to find some way to occupy before I go to bed. Considering how bored I am now, I thought I'd be downright depressed if I just moped around for seven hours! So I called Laine, and tonight I'm going over to play cards with Jess Parsins and them, and Jess was really excited because she loves to play cards and I do too.

So, now I'm glad. Only an hour and a half to go, and I can eat dinner for most of that!

March 01, 2006

I know! our poor little blog. I've had so much free time, I keep thinking I should write something, but I don't really know what to say. I've been reading a lot, just going to the library and picking out a few books and reading them for fun, which is something I've always wanted to do, since we have such a nice library.

I've just been doing bits of homework, keeping my room clean, talking to people, and reading. Oh, and attending class and working, too, but for some reason those don't seem like the important things. It's a nice life. It's kind of sad, though, because every time I see my friends I'm like "Hey, let's hang out tonight! Let's go somewhere! Let's go on a hike or to a movie!" and they're all like "no, we have homework, but we're going to go stay out till 2 am and do homework at a coffee shop if you want to come with us."

Can I just say, I've always wanted to do that - to have a night where I really have to get something done, and stay up really really late with friends at a coffee shop. The thing is, I consider midnight "late" and I stay up till 2 am only a few times every year. I know what would happen if I go out with friends to do homework. I'll spend an insane amount of money on coffee, make very little progress because I'm hanging out with friends, get caffeinated and hit a hyper high, get tired and hit a grumpy low, and sulk/nap until they're ready to go home. Miserable for everybody.

It's an experience they all share, but alas and alack! I have not the amount of homework they do. It's ironic that my lack of homework keeps me from socializing as much as I want to.

My roommate's going to bed now so I think I will too. I was going to try and be in bed before her, so she'd have to turn out the lights, but I'm too late now; darn. =)