Well. It's 6:15am and I've been up for three hours. What's wrong with me?

I fell asleep around 11:30 and slept until 3:15, drove my parents to the airport and came home. I was going to go to bed, but I felt pretty awake. I mean, I'm sure I could've just crashed for four hours no problem, but I started washing dishes, and before I knew it, I had cleaned the entire kitchen, boiled eggs and made egg salad, done two loads of wash, and played through about 20 hymns on piano. And now, there's really no reason to go to bed, because this is about the time I'd be getting up to go to work anyway. No okay, that would be in about an hour, but still. There are more things I can do, and I'll just feel more sleepy if I only get an hour of sleep when my body really wants six or eight.

So what do I have to say today? I don't really know. My stomach is kind of growly, but I really don't feel like eating anything. I should talk about things that have more meaning, just because I'm in that kind of mood. Hmm. I guess this is just where I ramble about my life and thoughts some more.

Every day is good. ha, I mean, I think I'm learning more and more to enjoy everything I do every day. I think for a while, I've been kind of whiney about my job - if not to others (though I know I have been) at least to God. And, that's so...ingrateful. Like, come on, I have a job. I'm blessed! I complain about my hours and how it's always so boring, but it's not. Things are only boring if you let them be boring. If you can just keep occupied and enjoy things, why does it matter what you're doing? I don't have to be 'entertained' non-stop. But, I'm slowly realizing that life isn't just getting through a period of time until my life begins. To reach any given goal, you reach little goals on the way to make it to the main goal, and once you meet that, you'll develop something new to work toward, as you see more and more the direction of your life and what you're supposed to do next.
Everyday is packed full of little goals, and I hope and pray that God would show me what those are and help me be focused enough to carry them out - like being patient and kind when that obnoxious person does something...obnoxious, being disciplined with my time, acting lovingly, gently, fulfilling my responsibilities, etc. Even though you hear "take it one day at a time" a lot, I think it's true. It does make a difference. I mean, yeah, you need to think about the future, you can't be irresponsible. And you have to have an idea of what you're working toward so you can do what you need to do today, but you're supposed to live in the present. It's like, wow, I have this time now to do soooo much and to learn soooo much, and learning that stuff now is going to make what I learn in the future so much better and more useful, I don't want to miss a beat. I want the most of every opportunity God has for me, and I want my life to be ministry - not just when I'm off "doing ministry" at church or volunteering somewhere, but really ministering to the people around me everywhere.

It's humbling, because I have such a long way to go, and I know I can never attain perfect love or a perfect selfless life like Christ. It shows how dependent I am, how little I know and how God reveals exactly what I need to know precisely when I need to know it, and His grace is always sufficient for me. It all comes to relying upon God for my every need. I can't rely on myself or anything in this life. And that's why I need to do everything as if onto the Lord, for who is my true master? I pray I can put more and more of my life in God's hands with each passing day, and learn to be a willing vessel and glorify God with my life. Sometimes it feels a bit overwhelming, when I think about it, because it's just me, and who am I? Hmm. I am a child of God. (John 1:12) And I know God isn't going to give me more than I can handle, and I know his love is so great for me that he'll never leave me nor forsake me, what do I have to fear? (Hebrews 13:5-6) He who has started a good work in me will bring it to completion. (Phillipians)

Mattew 22:35-40
One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question:
"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

Hmm. I need to make meditating on Scripture much more of a daily habit.

bye!

becca