Why can't an ice storm come during school instead of the three-day weekend? Grr.

The ice storm explains why I am online at 11 pm after doing a Bible Marathon (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Acts, and Romans) for fourteen hours today (8 am-10 pm). Church is canceled, so it really doesn't matter what time I wake up tomorrow morning, and if I wake up late enough I won't have to eat into my oatmeal reserves for breakfast. It's unlikely I'll sleep in till 11, but in any case I have no appointments tomorrow whatsoever. If I can motivate myself to do my homework, that will be a great thing. I'll probably have to go to the library to do it - I'm not so great at accomplishing things when I am alone in a room with Internet.

I got a wonderful compliment today! At least, I think it was wonderful. A lady at the marathon whom I hadn't before known came and said to me after four hours of reading, "I know this is weird because I don't really know you, but you strike me as a very elegant person. You're so graceful. In fact, when you came in, my first thought was that you could easily be a princess in a fairy tale." I must say, it's an odd compliment, but the rest of the day I kept thinking like Sara Crewe, "I'm a princess!" and since I was so thoughtful as to bring my favorite old-fashioned copy of Frances Hodgson Burnett's "A Little Princess," I might read some of it tonight. I really love that story - that and "The Wolves of Wiloughby Chase" (though I'm probably spelling "wiloughby" wrong) by who knows who. I like stories of survival by children in cruel settings (though preferably not too cruel. In "The Wolves," children who tattletale on other children are given a piece of cheese, while the child tattled on gets no supper and survives by eating raw eggs. I love that kind of story.) Boxcar Children, mostly the first one, used to be my favorite book ever - "One night four children stood in front of a bakery. No one knew them. No one knew where they had come from." I liked Benny's special cup with the chip in it, the idea of fresh blueberries and milk, and I yearned for a dump near my house in which I could find useful things but Mom said that wasn't allowed in America.

I never really liked the Bobbsey Twins. No survival there. Just four names to keep straight, four identical personalities, and four people always splitting up in pairs for safety and learning how to retrace their steps. There was one about a hot-air balloon. That's all I remember.

Why am I talking about books I haven't read in years? Who knows. I want to talk about Bible Marathons.

Basically, you select the portion from the Bible you want to read, get together a group of people, and have people take turns reading aloud until it's done. It's simple. Unfortunately, it's very long. Genesis through Deuteronomy (minus about 40 chapters) took, I think, about 15 hours. Matthew, Acts-Ephesians, James, and Revelation seemed to take 15-16 hours. Today (Matthew - Acts) took 14 hours.

Why would anyone in their right mind give up an ENTIRE Saturday just to read the Bible?

So, before I tell you why I enjoy Bible marathons so much, I'll warn you that no retelling of any experience of mind will convince you of anything unless you try it for yourself.

First, there's the community. Today we had eight people total, which is a very small group. The other two times it seems we had 12 and 18 or so. Just like when you're finishing some boot camp you feel a certain bond with everyone who is graduating with you, so there is a bond with these people who have spent the same all Saturday cramped in someone's living room reading the Bible. But there's more than a bond, because by the end of the day you've heard everyone pray and spill their hearts in prayer, you've seen people cry, you've laughed at Scripture in ways you didn't even think the Word was funny, you've heard people's voices reading the same passages you're reading and heard them all stumble over difficult words. Sometimes people get so tired it's just hard to read the Bible right. For example, today I read from Matthew, "Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth disagree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven." Then I paused, knowing something was wrong and kind of thinking "woah, the Bible says that? That's like a direct contradiction of other verses..." and then I replaced "disagree" with "agree" and it made sense. And everyone laughed. And there were always moments like that - always times to laugh. Like the verse in Acts - "With the reward he got for his wickedness, Judas bought a field; there he fell headlong, his body burst open and all his intestines spilled out." We just started laughing and "eww" ing and stuff. We all knew the verse was there, but it was just funny being read aloud in such a solemn setting. And the guy who was eaten by worms later in Acts...anyway.

So, first there's community. Second, I hope no one thinks I'm saying this to "sound holy" like people have accused me of which I think is completely unfair, that they can refrain from an action and say I'm only doing it in order to look good when it was they who chose to look at me in the first place. I just want to say that it is sometimes so wonderful to get an overview like this of the Bible. This is not Bible study. It's just reading passages that you may have read over and over and over before. Like the Gospels - it's the same story repeated four times. I heard the same story four times today. Guess what I have spent the majority of my time working on ever since school started? Studying the Gospels - all four of them - taking notes, taking more notes, and reading and reading and reading - for, you guessed it - my Gospels class. Was this stuff familiar? Of course it was. I've probably heard the story of Jesus' life, death, and life again a hundred times - in Sunday school, growing up reading the Bible, constant sermons, and then I come to Bible college and guess what I do ALL THE TIME? Read the Bible! Yes, it's hard sometimes, and sometimes it doesn't make sense and people tell me that after studying the Bible for four years they have more questions than they did when they came in. Someone said in one of my classes the other day that the Bible is not a book you read for pleasure. And it's not. There is something so much deeper.

I don't know if I can describe what the deeper thing is because I think I'm only beginning to grasp it. And then every once in a while I "get" something else and have this amazing sensation in which I think about how, if I have been saturated in Christianity for seventeen years and am only just getting some basic truths, how much harder it is for me to be able to witness to others these same basic truths! It's here where you have to look at yourself and look at all the people who you know you have to witness to, and go "okay, there is absolutely nothing I can do to change their minds" before you even start talking to them. Look, I've had people talking to me for seventeen years about Christ and saying inspirational things that didn't help one bit. What is talking, by itself, going to do? A person will not come to Christ unless the Holy Spirit is behind the endeavor, and that's it.

There was the man whose son had a demon, and the disciples couldn't drive the demon out, so finally the man went to Jesus and said "Your disciples tried to drive out my son's demon and he couldn't." Jesus, after some dialogue, proceeds to drive out the demon. Later his disciples say, "Hey, how come we couldn't drive out the demon, but you could?" and Jesus says, "This kind can only come out by prayer."

So, prayer is not supposed to be the last resort. It's the strongest weapon we have, really...I don't just mean with things in our own lives, like it's a weapon we wield when we pray for financial help or healing for a friend or for a house to be bought - but prayer helps the angels to fight the demons. It helps supernatural stuff. Earthly stuff too, but more supernatural, I think.

Of course, there are a lot of misunderstandings about what prayer is - I don't think I know everything there is t oknow about it. I just know there are misunderstandings. People think there's a certain way you're supposed to go. It's hard to say words when you don't mean them and then call it "prayer", and I think a lot of people do that - say "God, you're awesome, I mean really awesome Lord, thanks for this day and your abundant blessings and please heal my friend with cancer like I ask you every single day. Oh, and I pray that X would come to know Christ as her personal Lord and Savior, Amen." Okay, so that's kind of sarcastic...

This isn't a lecture, why it's just so disorganized. Just my rambling thoughts on stuff. Ha, and I started out talking about Bible Marathons.

I've noticed that sometimes God does not "feel" there. I used to think it was because I had been sinning. I would then repent, try to force out a few tears, and try to "feel" God being there again. Then when that failed, I first felt stupid, then felt stupid for even believing that there was a God and feeling stupid for thinking such paganistic thoughts, and I'd be depressed. To tell the truth, sometimes I wake up, take my journal and my blanket and my cup of tea and sit in the hallway, and I think "God is completely not here right now." And the next day, I'll feel like he's something there, ready to chat. Or whatever. I think my point is that God's existence doesn't depend on what I feel about him, or what I think about him. Christianity would be just like every other religion if it drew its entire basis from "feeling" that God is there and meditating and trying to feel feelings all the time. Sometimes I just have to say, "God, I know you're there, and I'm talking to you, but I don't feel you right now. So that's the way it is. So, maybe I'll see you in the morning. Maybe not." Based on the testimonies I've read of other Christians (some have felt this way for six months at a time) I think this is also a valid assumption.

Why would God do this? Why would he hide from his children, whom he loves? I think it's because he wants us to love him. That's really why we were created, to love him. He wants us to seek him, as he says continually in the Bible to "seek His face" and "seek His kingdom" and "seek righteousness". He wants to know that I love him even though my life isn't perfect and I feel blah because my devotions didnt "feel right". Just like when he asks Peter three times in a row, "Peter, do you love me?" He says things like "If you love me, you have to give up this world, your parents, your siblings, your job, all your wealth - basically, if you love me, you'll follow me, and by following me you'll do anything I ask, including giving up your life and all your possessions if I ask it of you, realizing by faith that I have prepared you something much greater than these in heaven." He wants to see if I will trust him through hard times, even if the hard time involves a time of doubt about his existence. It's hard to say "I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief" when I'm not even sure if I'm praying. And then, it's like God pops out from behind the bushes and says "Boo! I was here the whole time, keeping an eye on you. I just wanted to make sure you were still devoted to me."

Anyway, it makes sense to me.

I have a feeling I just rambled about things that might not make sense. Email for any clarification. ladybugsnameisnotpaige@yahoo.com works fine.