Good day!

Last night was fun! Now we must document your dad's "Garden D'Lights annual corny jokes."

Last year (or was it the year before?) - "They'd get a shock out of watering those flowers!"
This year - "They don't water those flowers with water, you know. They water them with juice."
And don't forget the "Elf-dumb" thing!
I'm never wearing that insanely huge coat again. I bought a nice one today.

It's true, I'm getting my teeth pulled tomorrow - though I like to say "I'm having surgery" since it sounds more serious. I'll only be under for like half an hour. In all, I'll spend less time in preparation/surgery/recovery than I did today for just the consultation appointment. I'm posting because I likely won't be posting anymore until I feel like it, and that might be a while. Yes, I know all you blog readers will be sad.

I couldn't be more flippant about this whole thing. Really, I'm getting too much sympathy to have any reason to wallow in my own self-pity. The assistant was telling me today all about what the surgery would be like, and I was just nodding and I had a headache so I wasn't really paying attention and she kept saying "goodness, you don't look nervous at all." I think this is where my "Don't worry - it won't help anything and the Bible says not to anyway" philosophy comes in handy. My mom said she was wringing her hands while they went over all the possible risks. I'm at low risk for pretty much any complications, so there. I figure I'll be cool as a cucumber until about five minutes before, and then I'll just burst into tears. That would be very typical of me - I'm fine until the last minute. Then again, they'll be giving me all kinds of sedatives and pills and stuff before the actual anesthesia (I don't think I even know how to spell that! And I don't care! I said, I don't care!) so maybe I won't cry.

It's like when I sang a solo for church. I kept telling myself I wasn't nervous, and then I got up there and my knees started shaking and I butchered the song. People tell me I didn't, but pfft. I was never born to be a singer. I will never sing a solo again in front of people, never never again. That was a horrible experience. I am continually regretting it, even though it was a year ago.

I went to my cousin's birthday party tonight. My aunt asked me how I was spending my break and I told her I was getting my wisdom teeth out tomorrow. She got this look of horrendous pain on her face. I started laughing and told her it was fine - lots of people get their teeth out every day and after a week or so I'll be nearly fine. She just kept looking completely horrified and asked me how I could be so cool. I said I didn't really know. She kept the same look on her face every time she saw me the entire evening. Later she told me that she'd do my worrying for me. Good ol' Aunt Christine (who really isn't old at all.)

The only thing I was remotely worried about was the IV because I've never had one. I've gotten blood drawn and I'm fine with that ("Wow, look at my blood going through the long tube!" "Haha, it was so funny, they had to stick me three times before they could get a vein.") so I asked the surgeon about it. He said, "Have you ever had your blood drawn?" I nodded. He asked, "How did you do with that?" I said, "Fine." He said, "It's like having your blood drawn except the needle is a fourth as long and it's way easier." Then I felt better. I'm ready, I'm ready.

I went to Walmart today and I saw the BEST card! It had Spongebob jellyfishing on the front, and the words "I'm ready, I'm ready..." and on the inside of the card it said "for your birthday to start" or something dumb like that. The BEST part was that it had punch-out paper Spongebob parts (that's paRts, not paNts - though there were a set of pants.) that you were supposed to glue onto a sponge so you could make your own Spongebob! Oh, I wanted to get it. But it was like 2 50, and I had absolutely no money (my mom was buying me clothes, that was the only reason we were at Walmart). Anyway.

I'm not allowed to eat or drink anything 6 hours before surgery. My surgery is at 9:40 am, which means I will be setting my alarm for 3:30 in order to stuff my face. That's really the part I'm not looking forward to. I'm used to eating every two or three hours - I mean, not at night of course, but I have to eat breakfast. I'm sure it will be fine, but no water? What if I still have the headache I've had for the past two days?

They told me I"ll be able to eat stuff like an hour after the surgery is over. "Go to the Wendy's up the road and pick up a Frosty and you'll be fine," they said.

There has to be someone else in this world who can identify with me. There are three things you should never do unless you want to make yourself completely sick.

1. Skip breakfast.

2. Eat sugar in the morning.

3. Don't drink water.

Now, combine those things:

1,2&3: Skip a real breakfast and eat sugar without milk or any water based product.

That's really bad.

Now, add a minor SURGERY ON YOUR CHEWING DEVICES. What do you have?

The worst Christmas break ever!

There is NO WAY I would accept a BRIBE from ANYONE to PAY me to EAT A FROSTY after NOT EATING FOR SEVEN HOURS, ESPECIALLY after getting FOUR of my TEETH pulled.

Have you ever read "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever?" It's a great book. Read it every Christmas if you like stories about kids who smoke in church and steal the offering.

I'm sure I'll come away from this with great stories. I just really wish I could eat breakfast before the surgery. That's the one thing I wish. That's really the only reason I'm bitter.

That and the fact that I probably won't be able to go caroling tomorrow night, or to make gingerbread houses with Debbi Thursday night, or to celebrate Christmas with Dad's side of the family on Friday night, and maybe not to Grandma's on Saturday.

Now, a big long self pity cry for me:

WAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

Now, to quote Wickham in Pride and Prejudice - "There it is. I absolutely forbid you to feel sorry for me."

-Amber