The first week of the quarter is always like this for me: I guess the only word I can use is stressful.

I can't say that I really am stressed out; I don't get stressed out. Yeah, things happen that I don't always look forward to or anticipate in the first place, but I deal with it, and life goes on. Usually I have the capability of just accepting things. Sometimes not. I don't think I'm "stressed," I just have this feeling of exhaustion. I think it's just change. I was off any sort of routine schedule for the better part of two weeks, and now, everything has taken off at once. My work schedule is completely different - working nights, then mornings, then nights again. My school schedule is longer and consists of much different class subjects than I'm used to.

So, anyway, I've been a bit out of myself for the past couple of days. Very concentrated on the things I'm doing and not very willing to be distracted from it. Which, I suppose is good on the one hand, because I won't get anything done if I'm not determined, but on the other hand, I don't like it when I act like that. I suppose it's one of the places I haven't quite matured in yet, although, I don't think many people have conquered the right perspective in that area. The area of being busy, that is.

Quite personally, I don't like being busy. I know I'm industrious and I try doing too much far too often, but I thoroughly enjoy "down" time. I absolutely love to be around people - although, I wonder how much that depends on how much they "love" to be around me.
But, it's always a wonder to me that people will talk and talk about how busy they are. Actually, I just decided that I'm not going to venture into that topic. I'm far too prone to be hypocritical and make remarks I'm sure have been made about me - either by myself or others.

What is it about opinions?

I am in the most odd mood for myself. Like I have a sinus infection that's throwing my entire disposition and thought process off track. But, I don't have a sinus infection, or really any other excuse for acting this way. Although, my leg has been hurting for the past few days and I have a gouge out of my finger from a burn.
What is it that's so weird about this week? My head has constantly had this ping of irritance and my mouth feels tense. Maybe I do need a day off. Just to become myself. It's just because it's the first week of the quarter. I don't know why I get like this. It's weird.

My fun writing class is in 15 minutes, and then I'm off to work for a few hours.

I love my instructors so far, have I mentioned that? I'm excited about my architect class, because I've been learning so much. I like long classes like this that are only a couple of times a week. I get lots of information at once, up to the brink of my learning capacity for one sitting, and then I have four days to go over the information and search out what else I want to learn. This suits me much better than the opposition of small bits of information every day, leaving me without very much to learn more on.

This is my last quarter too! How strange, to be graduating. I've felt like I've been out of highschool for two years, but now to actually think about what I'm supposed to do with my life in a serious way. It seems a lot of expectancy is growing about me going off to college or doing something ambitious with my life. Why? What I don't? I really had no mind to go to college right away at all. I thought that I've been hurrying through everything so fast, a year off would be wonderful. But then, that looks incredibly lazy to other people. I guess I shouldn't really be worrying about that though. But, when the people who are saying these things are people you really look up to, it makes it quite difficult to brush their opinions aside. Especially when I know many of my own have been formulated after theirs, perhaps mainly out of inexperience though - in some things, I may not have had the chance to make an opinion for myself.

What am I talking about? I'm in such a weird mood I can't even contain it! I need to go do something very becca to get out of this, but what?

My point, I think, was that I just don't know what God wants for me, and it seems good enough to me to wait on him for that. I don' tmean just sit around and do nothing, waiting for a voice from heaven to instruct me, but, wait for an open door to walk through.

Maybe school, maybe work, maybe here, maybe there, maybe I'll get married (ha!). Who knows. But just so you all know, I'm not looking to rush into anything, I want to enjoy the people God has placed in my life, the ministries I get to be involved in, the things I get to do...

hum.

I guess I'm just tired of being asked about "next year." Forgive my boring, rather ill-natured rant, I'm off to class!

-becca