For the curious, here's what God did for me last night.

In the midst of my depression/homesickness, I kept thinking and wondering how I would get through tomorrow (which is now today), then Sunday, then the school week, then another weekend, then another school week. I kept thinking, "Well, I guess this is one of the hardest lessons I've had to learn yet - how to cope when I don't feel like coping. Now I'll have to learn how to push through...but how hard it will be!" And so I pretty much did nothing all day except eat and cry and sleep. Finally, after four hours of wandering around last night, I decided to go talk to Amber Wilson, across the hall from me. I decided to go to her and tell her how I felt and maybe get some prayer, which might help - remember, I had been trying to pray all day and it just wouldn't work. So, I was talking to her about how I was just so homesick, and crying, and she was being nice and sympathetic and listening, which was really all I wanted. I just needed to talk to someone. And she invited me to stay the night in her room, because her roomie was also gone. So I said I would, and she said "I hope you won't mind, but my alarm's going off tomorrow morning at like 7 because my friend and I are going to Seattle around 8 for a baby shower." I said I didn't mind, and then said, "So, you're coming back Sunday?" and she said, "No, Saturday night." I said, "I live right by Seattle." She said, "I'll take you home!" And of course, I just started crying again...the stress of all that whole day was insane.

The thing was, if she had been spending the night up there, I wouldn't be able to go. I have to play piano for the church down here Sunday morning. So, the fact that she was coming back down Saturday night meant I could go up and come down in the same day!

There is no, no possible way to express how INSANELY happy I am! I mean, I don't feel energetic-joyous yet, I'm still crying. It's been two of those days. I'm just so, so, so so so so amazed at God. Why would he do this for me? Why? I was being a whiner all day yesterday, and lazy. I moped around doing absolutely nothing. I was so sad I couldn't pray. I felt like God didn't exist and I told him that to his face. I completely despaired of being happy at all (at least for the next two weeks). And do you know what he did? He completely gave me this wonderful answer to my grieving! I didn't ask him for it - I couldn't have ever imagined that I would be able to find someone driving all the way up to Seattle and all the way back down in a single Saturday. As Amber W said when I was talking about how I couldn't believe God had done this for me, she just said, "Well, he loves you, you know." Sometimes I really forget that. I think of Him as a God that wants me to learn my lessons. Like "The Lord disciplines those he loves." I thought His love was a "tough love," not an indulgent love.

So I was thinking, why did God give me what I wanted? This way, I didn't learn how to cope with depression for two weeks!

Hello, Amber. It's not my decision what lessons I learn. And do I have to question that God did this for me because he loves me?

This is so completely random. I could go on and on and on about how good God is to me today.

-Amber